Mother’s and Father’s Day

Mother’s and Father’s Day are reminders of the absence of a lost loved one. How do we best remember them without failing back into grief?

  From Our Experience

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A recent Thanksgiving gathering taught me… Find the beauty in the room with you. Don’t worry about the memories you are missing, or the ones gone by—focus on the memories you are making. Live in the moment.

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I find when I am thinking about myself and my loss that my grief is always worse. When I focus on my kids or I think about my mother-in-law who lost her son and reach out to her, then I find I hurt less.

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I learned this lesson from my son’s birthday party… Although it’s ok to feel the sadness when it hits, I’m so glad I didn’t just sit there and wallow in the sadness. It’s better to go and do something, whether it’s exercise, serving others or flying on trapeze bars! This is my life, not just to endure and get through, but to choose to enjoy!

Do something for someone else in their memory. Include your children and your grandchildren. Live your life as full as you can in their honor. My kids have good memories during their time of loss. There’s always someone who can use your kindness.

 Tips to Cope with Reawakened Grief

According to an article by the Mayo Clinic, “Even years after a loss, you might continue to feel sadness when you’re confronted with reminders of your loved one’s death. As you continue healing, take steps to cope with reminders of your loss. For example:”

  • Be prepared. Reactions on special days are normal. Knowing that you’re likely to experience reactions can help you understand them and even turn them into opportunities for healing.
  • Plan a distraction. Schedule a gathering or a visit with friends or loved ones during times when you’re likely to feel alone or be reminded of your loved one’s death.
  • Reminisce about your relationship. Focus on the good things about your relationship with your loved one and the time you had together, rather than the loss. Write a letter to your loved one or a note about some of your good memories. You can add to this note anytime.
  • Start a new tradition. Make a donation to a charitable organization in your loved one’s name on birthdays or holidays, or plant a tree in honor of your loved one.
  • Connect with others. Draw friends and loved ones close to you, including people who were special to your loved one. Find someone who’ll encourage you to talk about your loss. Stay connected to your usual support systems, such as spiritual leaders and social groups. Consider joining a bereavement support group.
  • Allow yourself to feel a range of emotions. It’s OK to be sad and feel a sense of loss, but also allow yourself to experience joy and happiness. As you celebrate special times, you might find yourself both laughing and crying.

Strength for the Day

God did not promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without ran, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.


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