Hope Helps to Heal My Brokenness

10404157_10205478908921910_3638176069425081254_n

After Jamie’s passing people were concerned and continually asking, “How are you doing?” It was such a difficult question to answer after having been through such a heart wrenching tragedy.

What do you say?

It was complex. The answer had so many different levels of grief, and it wasn’t pretty.

Do people REALLY want to know how I’m doing?

I would normally just shrug my shoulders and say “it’s been rough but we are getting by one day at a time”…when in reality my heart was just shattered. I was barely able to stand up let alone carry on a conversation. I was never sure if I should go into the details of how my heart was breaking. It literally felt like it had crumbled, broken into a million different pieces. I couldn’t (still can’t) come to terms with the fact that the world exists without Jamie in it. I was trying so desperately to keep everything together, including my heart but as hard as I tried to pick up all the little bits and put my heart back together, I couldn’t. I was too broken.

I can remember the first few weeks post-loss, pressing on my chest, trying to grab at my heart because it hurt so deeply I wanted to hold it and comfort it. It was a physical pain. My heart literally ached. I could feel it’s brokenness. But as the days have passed, I realize that through the pain, there is hope. My Savior, Jesus Christ has been here. Never leaving my side. He is my hope. And through Him, I believe there is still beautiful things left in this life for me and my children.

Beautiful things to do.

Beautiful things to see.

Beautiful things to share and dream.

That Hope helps me to go on.

11015861_10206065726111973_2472498157187519776_n

 

Read Jodi’s other post on Hope: Mountains to Climb

My husband and father of my 3 beautiful children (ages 12, 8, 6), committed suicide in August 2014 after taking medication for a head and back injury he sustained only 8 months earlier. We are devastated by this great loss but find comfort in family hugs and a heartfelt prayer. Now more than ever, we know how short life can be, so we strive to keep living our lives in a big, bold, beautiful way.

spouse committed suicide in 8/2014

Add a comment