After Jamie’s passing people were concerned and continually asking, “How are you doing?” It was such a difficult question to answer after having been through such a heart wrenching tragedy.
What do you say?
It was complex. The answer had so many different levels of grief, and it wasn’t pretty.
Do people REALLY want to know how I’m doing?
I would normally just shrug my shoulders and say “it’s been rough but we are getting by one day at a time”…when in reality my heart was just shattered. I was barely able to stand up let alone carry on a conversation. I was never sure if I should go into the details of how my heart was breaking. It literally felt like it had crumbled, broken into a million different pieces. I couldn’t (still can’t) come to terms with the fact that the world exists without Jamie in it. I was trying so desperately to keep everything together, including my heart but as hard as I tried to pick up all the little bits and put my heart back together, I couldn’t. I was too broken.
I can remember the first few weeks post-loss, pressing on my chest, trying to grab at my heart because it hurt so deeply I wanted to hold it and comfort it. It was a physical pain. My heart literally ached. I could feel it’s brokenness. But as the days have passed, I realize that through the pain, there is hope. My Savior, Jesus Christ has been here. Never leaving my side. He is my hope. And through Him, I believe there is still beautiful things left in this life for me and my children.
Beautiful things to do.
Beautiful things to see.
Beautiful things to share and dream.
That Hope helps me to go on.
Read Jodi’s other post on Hope: Mountains to Climb