My name is Veronica Clarke.  I am a mother of four, and at age 39 I became a widow when my husband’s plane crash ended both his life and his father’s. That tragic event shattered my reality. With my support and best friend gone, the temptation was very real to sink into utter despair.  Something pulled me from that choice.  The key principles of Trusting God and Listening to Inspiration have given me strength and have helped me to go on.It was light and hope… and so I turned to the only source I knew for peace and direction. I turned to God. Over the last two years, that decision has made all of the difference in my healing and in the healing of my children. As I look back at my experiences, I can see that the key principles of Trusting God and Listening to Inspiration have given me strength and have helped me to go on.

A tender mercy occurred for me the night of the accident, less than a hour before it happened.  I was prepared with a message that at the time I didn’t even recognize…

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It was warm November evening, and my children had decided that they wanted to walk one of our favorite trails.  We had just gotten ice-cream, and my children were laughing and playing with each other.  I lingered back and watched them interact.  A feeling of lovepeace, and profound gratitude came over me that I have since learned often accompanies inspiration from God. The thought entered my mind,

“If something happens to Scott, you will be okay. You could still be happy. This would be enough.”

The feeling of peace was so profound that I didn’t even consider worrying.  I simply dismissed the thought. The next morning when my mother-in-law called to tell me that the plane had not landed the night before, instantaneously my mind was taken back to words from the previous night that had entered my head.

I knew that God had prepared me for this moment.

Once again that feeling of peace overwhelmed me and I heard new words in my mind,

“This was supposed to happen.
We chose this.
You have to be strong.
This will heal many hearts.
Now go and figure out how you are going to tell the kids.”

The way that these words impressed upon my soul was so complete that it left no room for doubt.  They have become core guiding principles in my life as I have turned to God to discover His plan for my life and the deeper meaning behind that message.

Over the past two years I have learned to trust the voice in my head that tells me to do good, reveals truth to my soul, and fills me with peace.  I have learned that that voice is from God, and it is given to each of us to comfort, to guide, and to teach the things God would have us know.

Learning to hear that voice has not always been as easy as it was that tragic day.  For the first ten months I struggled daily with my emotions.  I didn’t understand how the death of my husband could become something good.  I didn’t understand how it could be part of God’s plan let alone something I might have chosen before my life here on this earth.

The problem was that I didn’t trust God.

I fought to try to recreate my life.  That first year I watched additional legal, financial and other temporal concerns pile on my  already over burdened load.  It was crushing and overwhelming. In those moments of exhaustion a refining thing happened. I began to let go of my plan, my will, and I began to ask God for help.   I crumbled under the weight of each new problem. In those moments of exhaustion a refining thing happened. I began to let go of my plan, my will, and I began to ask God for help. My broken and humble soul pleaded and reached out to Him for guidance and direction.  I began to study His word more, to pray, and to record the thoughts that came into my head.  Little by little, I was able to set aside my desires, my plans, my life in favor of the one He wanted me to have.

Still it was such a struggle for me to submit my will to God and completely trust Him.  About ten months out, after struggling with plans to move that just would not come to fruition, I threw up my hands up in the air and said,

“I give up. I am done fighting this fight.
I promise that will do whatever you want me to do,
I will follow any good thought,
if you will just take care of me and my children.”

I threw away my ‘to-do’ lists and my plans, and I started listening to that voice to do good. I battled to overcome the intense emotions and personal desires that drowned out that still small voice in my head.  I began to pray for guidance to know how to use my time to do better things.   I learned to set non-critical tasks aside in favor of a thought to helping someone in need. I began to reach out to other widows, and I began to blog.

From that point my life took a completely different path. A year and a half later I can say that it has made all of the difference.

Do I have all of the answers to my questions?

Do I understand all of the reasons that I needed to be a widow,

or that my children needed to loose their father?

No, I do not know all of those reasons, but I do understand some of them now, and everyday as I trust God and listen for His guiding voice I come to understand even more.  I could have never comprehended in the beginning the ‘hearts’ that my experience could ‘heal,’  yet I have watched miraculously as God’s plan for my life has unfolded.  I can look back at just over 2 years out and say now that His plan was better than my plan.  His plan is helping me and my children become who He would have us be.

I miss my husband everyday and I do not think that will change until I see him again, but today I can be content to trust God. I know that His plans are bigger for my life than mine, and I know that by following His voice I can get back to Him and be together again with my family.

If you would like to read more about Veronica’s Story visit her other posts below…

Before the Accident

 

I was 38 years old and the mother of 3 teenaged sons and a 10 year-old daughter when I became a widow. My fairy tale world was shattered. I lost my best friend and the love of my life. In that moment I knew I could choose, choose to sink into the darkness of despair, or I could choose to turn to the Lord for understanding and direction. I chose the light and it has made all of the difference. I share my story, what I have learned this life is all about and how I have refound purpose and direction in the hopes of helping others who are struggling. I am determined that when I meet my husband again that we will say, this was worth it. We will look at the learning and the good this tragedy accomplished, and we will say, this was not for naught.

Not For Naught: A Young Widow’s Journey

spouse and father-in-law died in a plane crash 11/2012.

   

 

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