If I Only Had Today


There is a song by Hillary Weeks called, If I Only Had Today, that I heard this weekend at women’s motivational retreat. Quite honestly, it was really hard for me to hear.  I struggled to fight back the tears and stay composed.  I even thought of bolting from the room, but I didn’t want to make a scene so I stayed and just listened. It couldn’t get over fast enough…

So why am I writing a post about it, in the dark at 5:00 am on Sunday morning?

Honestly, I would rather not… but I woke up this morning so compelled that I needed to share this message, so I am following what I call a prompting from the Spirit.  I believe someone out there needs this message, and that is more important than the pain that it causes me.

The song is about all of the things you would do if you knew you only had today left to live.  Although I have many more days of my own, I do not have those days with my husband anymore.  She sings of all of my regrets….

The time my husband came home and I had my hands in the chicken and I didn’t wash them and go to him with a hug and a kiss…

The time when he wanted to talk me into staying in bed on a Saturday morning, but I wiggled away because I just had to go running…

How he always said I love you first, and I rarely ever initiated that sentiment…

I know these are not big things.

We had an amazing marriage and were in a really good place when the accident happened, and for that I am very grateful. I know so many other people who have lost spouses that have far bigger demons to deal with, and if these little things still bring back so much pain for me almost 2 years later, I can only imagine how much pain they feel.

The truth is that we cannot go back and change the past.  We can only live in the present and change things for the future.  Those regrets can eat you and destroy everything good in your life if you let them, or they can compel you to make changes and do things better… maybe not with the person you lost, but there are other relationships that need mending.

So what is the point of dredging up all of these feelings of loss again?

Yesterday I couldn’t see one…

but today, this morning, I see something new.

I see that I still have children, parents and siblings to love.

Even though I cannot go back and change the past, I can change today for them.

This is about reflecting on my priorities every morning in my prayers.  It is about putting people before tasks and relationships above mortal accomplishments.

So I invite you to listen to this song and not reflect on mistakes that you have made in the past, but to think forward and to think of what you could do with those relationships today to build and strengthen them.  I invite you to pick out one thing to work on this week to help your priorities be in a better place.

  • Maybe it is to forgive someone who was close to you, and to work on rebuilding that relationship
  • Maybe it is to drop what you want to do and spend time with someone doing what they want to do
  • Maybe it is to work on how you speak to a loved one, or to say I love you more often.
Whatever it is, I invite you to write it down you plan somewhere where you will see it everyday.  Make it part of your prayers and part of your daily planning,  and then thank God for those experiences at the end of the day. I would love to hear back about the changes you have made and how this has strengthened you home and family.
 
 
 

 
“If I Only Had Today”
by Hillary Weeks
 
It seems like I’ve watched a million sunsets
And stared at a thousand full moons.
Sometimes it feels like I’ve been here forever
And sometimes it all feels brand new.
I could never count the heartbeats
From the day I was born until now.
But not a single one goes unnoticed
By Him who breathes life in me somehow.
But if there were no more tomorrows
If I knew that I could not stay.
I know how I’d spend every moment
If only I had today.
I’d hold you and listen
And I’d let the dishes sit in the sink.
I’d tell you I loved you over and over
And for once I’d just let the phone ring.
The I’d remind you of forever
And how our love would never change.
If I only had today.
I’d wake up before the sun did
And I’d watch as you quietly sleep.
I’d pray for time to move slowly
Knowing the moment won’t keep.
All the gifts that Heaven has given
Every blessing that’s come my way.
Wouldn’t mean anything without you
So if I only had today.
I’d hold you and listen
I’d memorize every detail of you face.
I’d tell you I loved you over and over
I wouldn’t let excuses get in the way.
Then I’d remind you of forever
And how our love would never change.
If I only had today.
There’s no time like the present.
Life doesn’t come with any guarantees.
The sun will set and time won’t wait
So while I have today:
I’ll hold you and listen
And I’d let the dishes sit in the sink.
I’ll tell you I loved you over and over
And for once I’ll just let the phone ring.
The I’ll remind you of forever
And how our love would never change.
If I only had today.
 
Questions to Ponder:
  1. How can recognizing past mistakes and committing to making changes help you overcome feelings of regret and guilt?

Check out this post in the Overcoming Regret & Guilt Badge

I was 38 years old and the mother of 3 teenaged sons and a 10 year-old daughter when I became a widow. My fairy tale world was shattered. I lost my best friend and the love of my life. In that moment I knew I could choose, choose to sink into the darkness of despair, or I could choose to turn to the Lord for understanding and direction. I chose the light and it has made all of the difference. I share my story, what I have learned this life is all about and how I have refound purpose and direction in the hopes of helping others who are struggling. I am determined that when I meet my husband again that we will say, this was worth it. We will look at the learning and the good this tragedy accomplished, and we will say, this was not for naught.

Not For Naught: A Young Widow’s Journey

spouse and father-in-law died in a plane crash 11/2012.

   

Comments

  1. wrote on September 14th, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    Rachel

    Grateful for this Veronica. Thank you for sharing your heart and your hard-won perspective. I’ll be pondering this.

  2. wrote on September 28th, 2014 at 4:13 am

    umashankar

    It was a cathartic wake up call. Thanks to you, I will devote myself to my family this Sunday.