Is it easier to believe that God does not exist?

You may not believe in God, or you may believe that He is a governing force that started this world into motion but cares very little about any of us individually.  All of the bad and evil in this world may lead you to believe these things…
“How could God let bad things happen?”  


“If, He really cared, if He was really there,
 then why doesn’t He stop these things?” 

Maybe your questions are more personal…


If God is there then…
“Why does He let me suffer?”
“Why did everything fall apart in my life?” 
“Why is my son sick?”
“Why am I in physical pain?”
“Why did my husband have to die?”
“Why doesn’t He just give me what I want? Can’t He see what I need?…God must not be there…” 


I have been there before, I have asked those same questions…


“When all of my life I have tried to be good,
why is this happening to me?”

After the birth of my 4th child when I struggled with depression for 5 years…

When my husband and father-in law died in a plane accident….

Then the hospital my husband worked for and the company that serviced the plane filed lawsuits against his estate…

Then lightening hit the pool pump, a deer ran into the side of my car, and my air conditioner broke all within a few days…

Then my house wouldn’t sell, and the work to take care of it was so overwhelming…

Then I hurt my knee and back making doing the work I needed to do more difficult…

The list could go on and on…

What is coming next?

At times I wanted to shake my fists at heaven and cry out…

“Really?  Isn’t it enough that my husband is gone?  
Do I have to deal with all of this as well?” 
Maybe it would be easier to believe that God does not exist… then I wouldn’t have to wonder why He lets me struggle and suffer, and why it seems that I keep getting kicked while I am still knocked down…

I get it, I really do.  In those moments of suffering of pain and despair, the heavens can often seem closed…

but is it the heavens that are closed, or is it our hearts?

The last 21 months have been rough… the very most heart breaking and difficult in my entire life.  Yet, through it all, through those moments of despair, I have learned undeniably that…

God is there.

He does care, and

He is the only way up and out of despair. 

“How can this be?” you may ask.  “How with all of the hurt, can you even feel that?”  Maybe you are struggling too, and the heavens still seemed closed.  Maybe you are wondering how to find your own relief.  Maybe you are trying to reconcile your pain with a God that is supposed to love us.

This is what I have come to understand…

God wants something more for us than a carefree life with all of our wants, needs and desires met.

He wants us to grow. 


He loves us enough to know that spoiling us would not be in the best interest of our character development.

He lets us face the consequences of our choices, He lets us face sorrows not of our making, He even allows other’s poor decisions to impact us all for the purpose of personal growth.

Without tasting bitter would we know sweet? Without knowing sorrow how could we appreciate real joy?

Life was intended to give us these experiences so that we would experience personal growth….

  • Sometimes that growth is in gaining empathy and understanding for others who are suffering, so that we can be used to succor them, lift them, and help to bear their burdens.  So that we can learn to turn from selfishness to selflessness.
  • Sometimes that growth is in realizing that our priorities are not based on things that are lasting and that really matter… wealth, power, beauty.  Our trials give us the perspective that initiates change. They help us realign and refocus on the things that really bring happiness… family, helping others, strong character.

He loves us enough to encourage us to turn to Him for help.

So instead of viewing all of those things as punishment now, I see that…


God was asking me

begging me

to reach out to Him.

He wanted me to know Him.

All of my life, I thought that I was so smart, so good, so hardworking, so talented.  I always thought that I worked my own miracles. It took being humbled through trial upon trial to admit that I was incapable of solving my problems on my own… I had to get so low that I finally asked for help.

I had to open my heart to God’s ability to help me,
 and I had to pray and ask for that help.
I had to accept that his help was NOT
 to change my circumstances but 
to enable me to deal with what I needed to face.


Maybe that is where the real test of faith lies.  Maybe that is the reason people choose to believe that God does not exist.  Maybe we are so caught up in wanting our struggles removed that we are unwilling to consider that going through them is better for us in the long run.


God knows this, and eventually we come to discover this truth as well.


God does not delight in our suffering… 


He knows that it serves a purpose, but He is also willing to help us through.  However, He can’t until we turn to Him and ask for that help.  He will never force us to do something we do not want to do.  There is no growth when we are forced, we must choose.


We cannot hear His words of comfort if we close our ears,

We do not notice His tender mercies if we close our eyes, and

We cannot experience His added strength if we refuse to feel.

When we choose to open our hearts, our eyes, our ears and our souls to Him, then we discover that He has always been there… patiently waiting for us to discover the hand that has been stretched out all along.

So even though the last 21 months have been rough… the very most heart breaking and difficult in my entire life. They have also been the most miraculous, light and love-filled months of my life.

Because in my need, I have learned undeniably that God does exist, and more than that,  I have felt His personal love for me and His personal care and help.

As you read this I hope your heart, ears and eyes have been opened to this truth.  I hope you will search and pray and discover for yourself that His love is real.  It is amazing and it can help see you through your struggles too.

So is it easier to believe that God does not exist?  

Only if you want to do this life on your own.

Questions to Ponder:
  1. How does understanding God’s desire for us to grow help you continue to have faith?
  2. How can you better use your faith to get strength?

Check out this post in the Faith Badge

I was 38 years old and the mother of 3 teenaged sons and a 10 year-old daughter when I became a widow. My fairy tale world was shattered. I lost my best friend and the love of my life. In that moment I knew I could choose, choose to sink into the darkness of despair, or I could choose to turn to the Lord for understanding and direction. I chose the light and it has made all of the difference. I share my story, what I have learned this life is all about and how I have refound purpose and direction in the hopes of helping others who are struggling. I am determined that when I meet my husband again that we will say, this was worth it. We will look at the learning and the good this tragedy accomplished, and we will say, this was not for naught.

Not For Naught: A Young Widow’s Journey

spouse and father-in-law died in a plane crash 11/2012.