My entrance into grief came crashing into existence the day I found out my son’s heart was no longer beating and I would have to deliver his tiny body. On October 21, 2014 I was plunged into another pool of grief when my husband, who had lived with depression for years, chose to take his own life. This leaves me at 38 to raise four amazing children ages 14, 11, 9 and 3 on my own. We cope with anxiety and depression in various forms. How do I go on?I know God loves me and that he has a plan for me. I know that while it is not okay today, it will be in the end. I also believe firmly in living in today. After all, today is the day I’m living so I might as well enjoy its glorious chaos. One of my new favorite quotes is from Ezra Taft Benson and he says, “I hope we will not live in the past. People who live in the past don’t have very much future.” I stand firmly in today and find the sunbeams as they come. I run, take photos, laugh, endure pure chaos and find love all around me.
spouse committed suicide 12/2014