In July of 2008 the unimaginable happened. My husband passed away at age 40. I was now a single mom of 6 kids. This was NOT what I had expected from life. I thought death happened to other people?! I had so many phone calls and caring people stop by my home the first few weeks and I was emotionally drained. No, completely exhausted! I didn’t know what to do. My niece suggested I create a blog to share what was going on in my life– this way people could read my blog and I could save my energy. Instead of returning phone calls, I could give my my kids the time and love they desperately needed. So I started blogging every Monday. I really enjoyed writing my feelings and found it healing.
After 6 weeks of his passing, I didn’t know up from down. 6 months later I guessed and was wrong- nope, still upside down! But a miracle happened at the end of the year. Two of my daughters were in class at school with kids from a family that had lost their mom in May. All four kids came up with a brilliant idea and decided we should get together as families because we were going through the same thing. I thought it sounded fun, so we met over the New Years weekend. This was awesome! We went swimming, to the movies, ate and talked a lot. This was so refreshing. We loved it because we finally found people who understood what we were going through! We all became best friends and hung out a lot. If there is such a thing as “family dating”, we did it- all 11 of us for months. Matt and I got closer and our friendship turned to love.
In June we were on one of our many family trips together and it felt like all my dreams were coming true. Matt took me to walk on the beach and asked me to marry him. My miracle- I married my best friend on 090909.
Today I am happier than I have ever been. Matt and I have 9 children all together. With this large blended family brings more experiences, challenges, and mouth dropping moments! Each day we look at each other, laugh and say, “Wow, I didn’t see that one coming!” We were thinking just the other day that we haven’t had a normal date in 6 years. Well I guess none of this has been NORMAL -whatever that is. I stopped blogging after about a year so I could try to put all the pieces of my heart together. I’ve had a lot to sort through, so Matt has been my awesome hourly life coach.
Now that I am healing, I have come back to personal blogging and writing openly about my past, my now and the future I want to create. Some people say I have lived a hard life, but I say it’s a life full of experience and I wouldn’t be who I am today without them. Others have asked me why I am writing it now and the answer is I feel compelled to do so. I agree- it would be easier to just march forward, but in the past are my lessons that I don’t ever want to forget. My hope is that my thoughts will give confidence to others knowing their trials can have a positive outcome, even though it may not feel like it at the time.
I am grateful for life-changing, profound experiences of loss, love and light.
spouse committed suicide 2008