So, I had a rough morning today… actually it’s been an up and down difficult two weeks. Why is it that it always takes hard things to make us dig deep and turn to God for answers? Why is it that my first inclination is to turn to others for advice first instead of to Him. Well, this time I think it is that I don’t like the answers that I am getting. They are not the ones that I want right now. I’ve gone back and forth trying to talk myself out of them, but what I really need is resolve to follow through on the things the spirit is telling me to do… even though it is going to be hard and difficult.
I’ve been working on a legacy book for the 1 year mark for each of my kids. My sister helped compile all of the stories people sent in about Scott and I just had to put the pictures in it. So last night I went through all of the recent photos of him. Ones of him flying and at the driving class the day he died. (His driving instructor took some amazing photos and a close up that I use on my computer screen- I’ll include it at the end) It’s still so hard, I miss him so very much. Despite everything that I know and feel to be true about this being part of the plan and about the important things I need to do, when I’m facing some hard decisions I just can’t help but wish that he was here to hold me and fix it all. In fact if he was here it wouldn’t even be an issue. So I think the legacy book has made all of this even more difficult.
So after some tears this morning I decided to do some studying. I needed to prepare a message for the women that I am assigned to visit once a month. (In our church we do that to keep track of one another and to help each other. It helps us learn how to love like the Savior. I love to go Visiting Teaching every month, and I have always made my very best friends through those interactions) The lesson this month is on the divine mission of Jesus Christ as the creator. I didn’t really think it would apply to my situation, but I needed to prepare it anyway. It is amazing to me that when I finally decide to turn to the Lord through his scriptures or the words of the prophets that he answers the questions in my heart through the Holy Ghost. This was the passage at the end of the lesson…
We have been created in God’s image (see Moses 2:26–27), and we have divine potential. The Prophet Joseph Smith admonished the sisters in Relief Society to “live up to [their] privilege.” With that encouragement as a foundation, sisters in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have been taught to live up to their divine potential by fulfilling God’s purposes for them. “As they come to understand who they really are—God’s daughters, with an innate capacity to love and nurture—they reach their potential as holy women.”
“You are now placed in a situation where you can act according to those sympathies which God has planted in your bosoms,” said the Prophet Joseph Smith. “If you live up to these principles how great and glorious!—if you live up to your privilege, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.”
Divine Potential…As a youth, one of our values was Divine Nature. We believe that as the literal spirit children of our Heavenly Father that we have the ability to someday become like Him, much like a child can eventually grow up and has the potential to become like their earthly parents. This view is pretty unique to our church, but it is a beautiful truth and an amazing goal to have, one that gives me a purpose and gives me a reason to be here. When we realize what our potential is, then we realize how much we are truly capable of with the enabling power of Christ’s grace. We have the potential to do amazing things! This statement was given by the Prophet Joseph Smith to the women of the church to let them know of the special divine gifts that women are given: to be empathetic and charitable, to share love, and nurture others. These are not traits that denote weakness, rather they indicate divinity.
It is easy to use my energy in self-pity, but it is divine to use it to help others.It was the last paragraph that I felt was directly given to me. My life this past year have placed me in a situation where I have experiences and knowledge to share that people want to listen to. My audience is larger than I ever thought possible or that 10 years ago would have been possible. My experiences have given me greater empathy and understanding of others. I need to use my energy to act on those feelings. To become God’s hands and lift and strengthen those around me. It is easy to use my energy in self-pity, but it is divine to use it to help others.
The last part was what stood out the most in my mind. That if I do those things I feel prompted to do, if I reach out to others in love and service then “the angels cannot be restrained from being my associates.” Right now there is one particular angel who I want near me. I think when we do the Lord’s work, we often work side by side with angels who are doing the same work just beyond our mortal sight.
So I was reminded of what my focus needed to be. I’m grateful that when I feel lost and struggle that I can turn to the Lord and feel peace and direction again and again and again. He does not forget me and He will not forget you.