Not Strong Enough

Sometimes I just get so frustrated with myself.

Last night and this morning I was really struggling with my inability to perfectly apply the principles that I know to be true and that have worked for me so well in the past.  It is as if I have to relearn how to do the same math problem over and over again every time the teacher changes the numbers. Last night I was talking to a friend about a problem that had been weighing on my mind for sometime.  I was feeling the need to fix it all, and I just didn’t know how I possibly could. My friend’s response was,

” You don’t need to take it all on by yourself.”  

He reminded me to pray and ask God to help work it out.  I got off the phone and thought, 

“Duh!  You know that. Come on Veronica, you are smarter than this.  How do you get so caught up in the worrying and the fixing that you miss the most obvious solution of all- to PRAY.  Here you are again, right back where you started, trying to work out your own salvation all on your own.  When will you ever learn?”  

Those thoughts filled me with frustration, as I was made very aware of my continued weaknesses.  I slept on the matter and still in the morning I was upset with my progress.

 
As I thought on it further, I could hear my husbands voice in my head,

 “Don’t be so hard on my girl.”

Later that morning my friend reminded me…

not to let the devil convince me that I am not of worth…

that my efforts are failures…

to keep my chin up …

not to stop being who I am and doing what I am trying to do.

(I guess self-doubt and discouragement is another math problem I need to relearn.)

 

So it’s time to pick myself up and be proactive…

  • I need to stop being discouraged and paralyzed by my own weaknesses.
  • I need to pray more for help.
  • I need to lean on my Savior and Heavenly Father and let them take care of the things that are outside of my circle of influence and listen to their counsel for the things that I can do better.
  • I need to repent and try again.

Someday I am going to figure this math problem out, and then there will be another one to work through.  Step by step, a day at a time, we can get a little better, a little closer to God. Someday these things that I am struggling to make part of my character will just be there intrinsically and it won’t be so hard to remember, but for now I have to practice those habits. I have to learn and relearn to cement the knowledge and the behavior.

It is PRACTICED CONSITENCY that helps us to BECOME who we want to be.

I need to be patient with myself through this process.

I cannot expect to jump the entire canyon in one leap- even though I really want to be on the other side.  Sometimes I just have to remember that…

I’m not strong enough to be everything
that I’m supposed to be right now,
but if I turn to the Lord,
He can be strong enough for the both of us.
 

 

Questions to Ponder:

1. What thought patterns help us fight discouragement?  How can prayer bring us around to those patterns? 2. How are lack of patience or unwillingness to change related to discouragement?  How do those things prevent us from moving forward?

Check out this post in the Patience Badge

Resources: “Strong Enough”

You must
You must think I’m strong
To give me what I’m going through
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I’m wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I’m not strong enough to be everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not stong enough
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord right now
I’m asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough For the both of us

Well, maybe
Maybe that’s the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I’m finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that’s when I start looking up
And reaching out
I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up I’m not stong enough
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord right now I’m asking you to be
Strong enough Strong enough
Cause I’m broken
Down to nothing
But I’m still holding on to the one thing
You are God and you are strong
When I am weak
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be
Strong enough Strong enough
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Oh, yeah
I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up I’m not stong enough
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord right now I’m asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough
 
I was 38 years old and the mother of 3 teenaged sons and a 10 year-old daughter when I became a widow. My fairy tale world was shattered. I lost my best friend and the love of my life. In that moment I knew I could choose, choose to sink into the darkness of despair, or I could choose to turn to the Lord for understanding and direction. I chose the light and it has made all of the difference. I share my story, what I have learned this life is all about and how I have refound purpose and direction in the hopes of helping others who are struggling. I am determined that when I meet my husband again that we will say, this was worth it. We will look at the learning and the good this tragedy accomplished, and we will say, this was not for naught.

Not For Naught: A Young Widow’s Journey

spouse and father-in-law died in a plane crash 11/2012.